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BlueCat Script Analysis - 47 Guns

47 Guns - Jacob Ruby
Archive # 878


What did you like about this script?

47 Guns is an entertaining and intriguing western with a genuine theme running throughout it. The characters are all distinct and believable. The dialogue is appropriate for the time period and setting of the script. The description is well-written and paints the perfect picture of the script’s backdrop. Nathan is a great character that many will be able to empathize with. He is a good-hearted, loving man who is ultimately forced into protecting his brothers and the memory of his father. Nathan’s storyline is interesting and the audience will be curious to see what he will do throughout the film. That’s well done.

The script begins with a bang and then we go back to the beginning of the story. That works very well for this script and helps you hook the audience right from the get-go. Once the audience sees Nathan in the beginning, we’re on the edge of our seats wondering what his fate will be and what could have brought him to that place. Your introduction of Young Nathan on pages 3-7 portrays him as an innocent and loving young boy, which works very well for the shape and storyline of his character. When the audience realizes that Young Nathan isn’t a rebel, we are interested in what led him to that opening scene and that adds to the overall anticipation of the story to unfold.

You do a nice job conveying Ethan and Sarah’s everyday lives at the Orphanage with all their boys. That makes it all the more unsettling when Jonas Busirus suddenly joins the picture and speaks of his plans to turn their tiny little farm into a bustling town. However Ethan, being the man that he is, welcomes Jonas with open arms and remains optimistic about this change in their lives. Ethan’s confidence and hope in Jonas makes the audience almost believe in him too. For a moment, we think that maybe Jonas will make life better for the Burley’s. But of course, we realize that just like most men, Jonas hunger for power gets the better of him and his dying wish is for Jason to attain the Burley’s land. From that moment on, we know that there will be bloodshed. That plotline is played out very well. Nice job.



What do you think needs work?

The storyline of this script starts out good, but starts to move far too fast and jumps around way too much. For example, Jonas seems to be perfectly fine with the settlement he’s created and then suddenly he gets sick. On pages 21-22 he reveals that he’s not at all happy about his town because he hasn’t done everything he’s wanted to do. This seems to come out of nowhere. You need to make this known earlier on in the script. Sure, you have the scene where Jonas speaks to Ethan about how he never knew the Orphanage was there, but that’s not enough. You need to have Jonas tell Ethan that he’s happy about the Orphanage, but then have the next scene be with Jonas talking to his partner about how he will take Ethan’s land because that land is not supposed to be Ethan’s. A simple scene like this could be so short and forgettable, but still remain in the back of the audience’s mind so that when Jonas reveals his final wish, we realize we knew that was coming all along.

Also, it doesn’t feel natural when Jonas tells his son everything he wants done to the town on pages 29-31. This scene doesn’t have any dramatic relevance because it feels like Jonas is simply telling us what will happen in the rest of the movie. There should be some document or some papers that Jonas has been working on where he reveals his plan to “get back” his land from Ethan. Then, right before Jonas dies, he should be able to speak only a few words and perhaps those words are “get back the land” or something of that nature. Then, Jason will be determined to get to the bottom of what that means and that’s when he finds his father’s papers and documents pointing to the Burley’s land. Now, Jason will make it his mission to get back that land one way or another. Having the scene unfold that way adds much more dramatic value and tension to the script since Jason needs to find out what his dad meant rather than having his father simply telling him every last detail. It would also mean more to Jason to get that land because he knows his father’s dying words were for him to fulfill that mission.

All in all, with a few minor tweaks in the storyline and a few scene alterations, you will be on the road to writing a great western.

THANK YOU BLUECAT

J~R

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