Script Fix

I've been currently revamping my screenplays to get ready for submission once again. I'm only submitting in two different contests this time. The first is Bluecat , which I have not previously submitted to. But this contest seems better than most because regardless of whether you win, they give you a one page analysis on your screenplay. This is good, not only due to the fact that you get notes on your work, but this also lets you know they are actually reading your script. Which I've got to imagine worries most script submitters about any contest. If I ever found out that I paid $50 for someone to read my title or the first 10 pages and throw it in the trash I'd be upset.

The other contest I'm entering into is ScriptPimp , which I have previously submitted to. I like this one cause everyone who enters gets the chance at many different prizes and also cause I get a discount since last year I won a 5 year membership.

My script 47 Guns has just been broken down from 130 pages to 112 pages. I've made huge scene changes in this newest draft. Action script is more exciting, the opening and closing scenes more epic, and dialog...may still need some work, but is acceptable. I've realized visualization is more important than any piece of dialog or exposition, especially for an action western.

Here are my Loglines and Synopses:

47 Guns

Logline:

Shortly after the civil war, a Colorado orphanage is burned down by a ravenous capitalist for the expansion of a developing western town, many years later 47 orphans return seeking revenge.

Synopsis:

47 Guns is a Western retelling on the legend of the 47 Ronin. In 1865 at the birth of a small town in Colorado, Ethan Burley, a former lawman and his wife Sarah take care of abandoned children in the aftermath of the Civil War. They soon find themselves in danger when a wealthy prospector Jonas Busirus demands that the family sell their land to him for the expansion of the town. On his death bed Jonas painfully passes this burden onto his son Jason telling him to secure the land by any means necessary. This promise leads to the orphanage burning and the murders of Ethan and Sarah Burley, leaving the boys abandoned once again.

After many years the only surviving blood son of the Burley family, Nathan, again finds himself in the small town along with his gang of orphaned brothers known as the 47 Guns. There to avenge the death of their family and to reclaim their lost home, they will take the town by any means necessary. However with wealth on his side and privately funding his own army, Jason proves a force to be reckoned with.

Runners

Logline:

A banker, a drug trafficker, and a mysterious group dubbed the knights, bid for a lost package known as the Holy Gift. Three 'Runners' are hired to recover it, but find themselves with histories most sought after possession.

Synopsis:

Chester, Jude, and Benson are runners hired to recover lost or stolen items for the criminally organized. After a briefcase goes missing at LAX airport, they are employed for the recovery by a powerful banker. However things get complicated when word gets around town concerning the run.

Now, Chester, Jude, and Benson find themselves caught up with a myriad of problems including a banker, a drug trafficker, a free-runner from North Africa, a Japanese waitress with a baseball bat, and mysterious group hailed the Knights. All of them wanting one thing, the discovery of histories most sought after possession known as the Holy Gift.

J~R